The Georgetown letter comes out on December 15th. Twenty-nine days. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do if I don’t get in. I’m not saying the world will end, or anything equally as dramatic, like a mass recall of Nutella or something..
I just don’t exactly have a plan B. =/
My second choice would have been NYU, or Barnard (if I could stand the hyper-female community). But I don’t think I want to live in New York anymore. I get cold at 60 degrees, NY kinda reminds me of a downtown LA on steroids, and I’d like perhaps a bit more green?
And another (pathetic) reason. I’m still a kid in so many ways. I know how to take care of myself in the sense that I can cook, clean, and scream at myself to do homework, but I am total shit at emotional stuff. New York would be so easy to get lost in; everybody is rushing everywhere and things are always happening, and it’s so ahead and fashionable and this all sounds incredible, except I know I wouldn’t be able to deal. So many people are crammed in one small city and I’ll feel ignored and invisible and insignificant. And I know I’ll do what I do whenever I’m insecure, and scared, and alone. I’ll latch myself on to 20 different people and beg them to “love me love me love me please?”, and then mold myself to be totally compatible for them and then manipulate them to take care of me and pet me and let me curl up in their arms on a couch next to a fireplace. or something stupid. Because I need reassurance that I’m worthy to be loved, I guess.
This all makes me sound kind of crazy. I want to go to college on the East Coast, but I’m not grown-up enough. Maybe a less progressive and chaotic place. Like Maryland. I heard there’s really good seafood there? Or like, Florida. Where there are really cute boys. Or Providence. Where it’s quirky and colonial.
